In an announcement from the steps of Mar-a-Lago, former President Donald J. Trump took the concept of a “victory speech” to new heights by declaring himself “Emperor-Elect.” This bold move shocked political analysts, delighted his supporters, and fascist statue makers everywhere.
“The people have spoken,” Trump declared to a dimwitted crowd. “They want not just a president, but something bigger, something classier. They want a guy who can make ALL the decisions, like an emperor! I will be a good emperor. Tremendous emperor. And my reign will last 1000 years”
With his newly claimed title, he hinted at sweeping reforms, aimed at streamlining “that whole democracy thing.” “We’re skipping the election part now,” he said.
The crowd, encouraged by the former president’s decisive approach, chanted, “Hail to the Emperor!” and “1000 years!”
According to sources close to the Emperor-Elect, he’s already drafting his new imperial symbol, rumored to include a golf club.
Political Satire